How to Appear More Confident Even If You Aren’t.

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This isn’t exactly a DIY. There is no way to teach somebody how to do this. At the end of this post I will attempt to, but that is not the intent of this article. Some might think that I meant this post as a lesson about confidence or how to ace an interview. Well it’s not. I am writing this post with the faith that my readers will be able to comprehend that confidence is a lifestyle. A person who is completely put together just doesn’t exist, but many people are able to look put together. This is the life I live everyday. I wouldn’t call living this way a lie because I don’t do it on purpose. I just happen to like walking with confidence, dressing nicely, and planning the course of my life. When you put all those things together you probably see a girl walking down the street with all the answers. She knows what she wants in life and she knows how to get there. While that much may be true, even the people who look the most put together are facing an internal struggle. Here is why I can pull off this lifestyle so effortlessly.

First off, I am a compulsively organized human being; it’s how I was raised. I love to make notebooks and write in them as much as possible. Whether I am doodling, trying to organize my thoughts, take notes on my surroundings, or make lists of what I have to do, I am always able to look as if I am doing something important by carrying around a neat notebook and writing in it all the time. Second, I like to dress nice because that is who I am. I do not feel useful in the morning until I take a shower. I look, smell, and feel like a slob if I don’t—trust me, my tired face isn’t pretty. Each morning after I shower, I put on nice clothes. It makes me feel good about myself and the way I look. My clothes must match. I will not wear navy and black together, orange and pink together, or floral and plaid together—they simply don’t work and it irritates me. I may sound like a stuck-up princess but I would much rather go out wearing jeans and a pink shirt than a black dress with a navy purse. If I see you in the street wearing these color combos I will not judge you because some people manage to miraculously pull off anything. And Finally, I walk with a certain confidence because for years my mother made me practice the ‘feminine’ way of walking and I must say that once your master it, you feel sexy and you know you look good.

I am only in my own head so I don’t know how other people actually see me but I do know that I feel good about myself, and that shows. Confidence is something that a lot of people are unable master, but if you do, consider yourself lucky. I definitely don’t take it for granted. The next thing I hope to master is courage, but that could take years. I have barely taken any of the risks I hope to and I so badly want that to change. Anyone can tell you “Just do it, c’mon—it’s not that hard!” But we all know many things are much easier said than done. I regularly feel incompetent because of my lack of social skills and courage. There are some things that I can do on command—on a professional level I will take more risks than anyone I know. But on a social and romantic level I take only the risks I feel are absolutely necessary, which are almost none. The good thing is that people would not think I am such a wimp because I have a confident exterior.

Enough about me. Here are 10 ways to make you look more confident:

  1. Try to sustain eye contact. You will look very confident no matter what you’re talking about. If it gets awkward don’t worry—I guarantee they will look away first, proving their weakness. When doing this make sure not to step too close to the person you’re facing, closing up space is a sign that you’re insecure.
  2. Stand Straight. Good posture indicates that you mean business.
  3. Keep your chin up. If you look up when you’re walking you show that you have no fear of whatever life has to offer.
  4. Don’t Fidget. Know what you’re talking about, and even if you don’t, pretend that you do.
  5. Take long strides. Taking your time demonstrates authority and tells other people that they’re on your schedule, not the other way around.
  6. Have a firm handshake. And be the one to initiate it as well so you have the upper hand. Sometimes when a person shakes your hand off-guard you will forget to shake with assertion.
  7. Don’t touch your face or neck. An itch or an excuse to touch it indicates anxiety and stress. People with confidence act as if worries are beyond them. The more you are able to hide, the more confident you will look to others.
  8. Use Open Body Language. Try to stay calm as much as you can and be as natural as possible. The world is your oyster and you shouldn’t have to worry about what others think of you. If you don’t know how to look more open, try to smile as much as possible. It shows that you like the way you look and that you aren’t nervous.
  9. Don’t put your hands in your pockets. This is a sign that you’re uncomfortable. Put your hands on your hips instead.
  10. Take Care of Yourself. Make sure your hair looks good, your nails are groomed, and your body is shaved. Also wear something that makes you feel good. That will naturally put you in a good mood and make you feel more in control.

I can give you hundreds of tips on improving body posture, but the real key to looking confident is being confident. If you feel good about yourself and you know you have the power to do great things, it will show. Each and every one of us has this magic inside of us. At the end of the day, the people who struggle to appear more confident are those who doubt themselves and what they are capable of. I have simply chosen to stop worrying  about the opinions of others and to focus on me. Of course I have my doubts and my moments of weakness, but I am able to get through it—and so are you.



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